The Truth Is, I Left You Because I Was Afraid

I regret leaving and especially the pain that ensued. I regret the damage that I’ve done to the life of another. I wonder what you will have to tell your future wife and what story you’ll have to conjure up when they ask you about the first love of your life. How a seemingly well put together girl left you heartbroken and miserable. There’s no apologies that I can make for the damage that I’ve left, and there’s no denying or excuses that this is all on me.

And I am sorry. For running, for never apologizing until it was too late, and for making you feel like it was your fault and that you were the one to blame. It was never your problem alone. We were a team, so we should have worked through the problems together and tackled each obstacle together, because that’s how a relationship works.

You deserve better. I now know that I ran because I was afraid. And I couldn’t face what I had done either. I couldn’t face the possibility that I destroyed another human being and I left him spiralling down a hole of self-hatred and self-pity.

But the blame was never on you. And I still can’t believe I let you slip right through my fingertips. I had a guy that wanted me and only me. I had a guy that cherished every second we spent together. I had a guy who saw me as the prettiest girl in the world.

I lost the one good relationship in my life and I didn’t fight for it back. Instead, I cowardly ran.